The Long Good-bye

Just a few years ago, my sister and I were sitting in a Dr’s office with our mom.  He kindly looked into Mom’s eyes and said,

“Kay, you have dementia.”

My heart dropped at the directness and finality of his diagnosis.

Mom calmly and quietly sat there with a smile on her face.

As the doctor explained and laid out what the next days, weeks, and years would mean, he broke his dialogue and asked,

“Kay, do you understand anything I’m saying?”

She smiled and said in her cheery little voice,

“Nope.  Not at all!”

Bless her little heart.

***

My mom is in a home now.  Her cheery little voice is rarely heard any more.  I’ve been warned that when I get to hug her neck in a while, she will not know who I am.  I’ve tried to brace myself for that.…

It’s been described to me that watching someone digress with dementia is a “long good-bye”.  I find that to be an apt description.   I can’t deny the pain of it, and realize that although my mom is still living, I am constantly mourning the losses of who she used to be.  It comes in waves, and I’ve learned to just not fight it.  Right now I miss her so much, my heart hurts and stomach aches.

But, once the ache eases up, I try to recognize that the very act of mourning should cause me to be thankful.  Because it is the lessons taught, laughter shared, and blessings given that gives me such treasured memories to mourn.  Without the blessings there wouldn’t be the loss.  Today, I want to be thankful for the blessings…

***

I got a sweet message the other day from a friend / relative that I haven’t seen in many, many years.  She was back visiting in my home town, and in the short time she was there visited my mom three times.  That alone blessed my heart.  Then she went on to say that she sang with Mom.  “She still remembers the words to the hymns, and when given a hymn book, she played the piano.”

I was so excited to hear that.  I’ve often wondered if her music has left her, and am so glad that it hasn’t.

Along with the note this dear lady sent me was the name of a song she wanted me to listen to. Listen, I did.  I also cried enough to fill three buckets…

In the days following the note and song shared, I’ve been pondering a lot of things about my mom and Jesus.

One of the most precious promises I hold on to is that Jesus will never leave me.

And, even in her confusion, He hasn’t left my mom either.

That gives me comfort.

***

{Here is the song my dear friend told me about… by the Booth brothers}

Linking up:  At the Picket Fence