The Long Good-bye
Just a few years ago, my sister and I were sitting in a Dr’s office with our mom. He kindly looked into Mom’s eyes and said,
“Kay, you have dementia.”
My heart dropped at the directness and finality of his diagnosis.
Mom calmly and quietly sat there with a smile on her face.
As the doctor explained and laid out what the next days, weeks, and years would mean, he broke his dialogue and asked,
“Kay, do you understand anything I’m saying?”
She smiled and said in her cheery little voice,
“Nope. Not at all!”
Bless her little heart.
***
My mom is in a home now. Her cheery little voice is rarely heard any more. I’ve been warned that when I get to hug her neck in a while, she will not know who I am. I’ve tried to brace myself for that.…
It’s been described to me that watching someone digress with dementia is a “long good-bye”. I find that to be an apt description. I can’t deny the pain of it, and realize that although my mom is still living, I am constantly mourning the losses of who she used to be. It comes in waves, and I’ve learned to just not fight it. Right now I miss her so much, my heart hurts and stomach aches.
But, once the ache eases up, I try to recognize that the very act of mourning should cause me to be thankful. Because it is the lessons taught, laughter shared, and blessings given that gives me such treasured memories to mourn. Without the blessings there wouldn’t be the loss. Today, I want to be thankful for the blessings…
***
I got a sweet message the other day from a friend / relative that I haven’t seen in many, many years. She was back visiting in my home town, and in the short time she was there visited my mom three times. That alone blessed my heart. Then she went on to say that she sang with Mom. “She still remembers the words to the hymns, and when given a hymn book, she played the piano.”
I was so excited to hear that. I’ve often wondered if her music has left her, and am so glad that it hasn’t.
Along with the note this dear lady sent me was the name of a song she wanted me to listen to. Listen, I did. I also cried enough to fill three buckets…
In the days following the note and song shared, I’ve been pondering a lot of things about my mom and Jesus.
One of the most precious promises I hold on to is that Jesus will never leave me.
And, even in her confusion, He hasn’t left my mom either.
That gives me comfort.
***
{Here is the song my dear friend told me about… by the Booth brothers}
Linking up: At the Picket Fence
Rita – I stumbled across your blog tonight while blog-hopping. I truly believe that God led me here. As I was reading your beautifully written, heartfelt post with tears in my eyes, my own mother came to mind. She, too, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few months ago. She is 79 years old. My dad is currently acting as caregiver…for now….because as a 79 y/o man, I see the toll mom’s terrible disease is taking on him, too. I make the hour drive a couple times a week to spend the day with them and make sure things are getting done in the house that mom used to take care of. When I posted about my mom’s diagnosis, I was amazed at the number of blog friends who wrote saying that they had or are traveling the same journey. They offered support, encouragement, love and prayers. So tonight, I am sending all of that on to you. Know that you are not alone…..ever. Bless you for being the loving daughter that you are and always will be. ♥
xoxo laurie
Indeed, it is a difficult path, as we travelled it too with my mom. However, we realized it was a blessing as the Lord was “weaning” us from her, giving us the opportunity to still have her here to hug, hold her hand and care for her as she had so lovingly cared for us. We know He knows what is best for each one, even though not easy.
Thank you for sharing. Your mother was a part of all my growing up years and it’s so sad to see her now. My mother is going down that path as well. God was so gracious as to move us here in time for me to act as her caregiver and so to allow her extra time at home. The role of caregiver has the benefit that I am seldom shocked by the changes since I am here to see the gradual decline. I am comfortable with her as she is but there are still times that a really miss my Mommy.
Ahhh, Rita, you have truly touched my heart today 🙂 Thank you for sharing. The one thing I’ll always remember about your Mom was her laugh 🙂 I’m so thankful she has the Lord with her always 🙂
What a beautiful, heartfelt post. The video was touching, too! Hugs from across the miles!