Photography Paralysis

{I woke up this morning to discover Cassity is featuring our Beach Cottage Bedroom at Remodelaholic.  Thank you, Cassity.}

A few years ago, the siding on our {previous} house was being painted.  The workers had set up various scaffolding structures to reach the  high areas.  When they left on their lunch break one day, I realized one scaffold was in the perfect spot to reach my never-been-cleaned-outside living room windows.

I  knew ladders and I weren’t real good friends…mostly because of the resulting height that was reached with each step on the rung.  I reasoned with myself that my fear of heights was completely silly and I just needed to “quickly get up there” and clean those windows!  Out of sheer determination and teeth gritting, I made myself climb.  By the time I reached the safety of the scaffold shelf, my legs felt like a bowl full of jelly.

But, I had made it!  {Yippee for me!}  I happily washed the windows, rejoicing in the new shiny view that resulted.

Then it was time to get down.

Uh-oh.

I. was. terrified.

I just couldn’t make myself swing my legs over to reach that first ladder rung.

My body was shaking. My kids and husband were laughing. (Don’t worry. So was I.) But, no matter what I told myself, I just couldn’t make the first move.

I was paralyzed by fear.

{If I remember correctly, after much laughing, squealing, and terror, my husband literally talked me down by convincing and physically dragging  me over the balcony railing.  Bless his little heart.  And no, I never cleaned those windows again…Sorry, new owners!}

I recently realized my fear paralysis isn’t  limited to just my fear of heights.  It also spills over into the area of photography.

Let me explain.

I love photography.  I study pictures, took a course, experiment with Blue Hour Photos, and almost daily take some sort of photos for this blog.

But, there’s one area that scares the willies out of me…

People pictures.

Yep.  They do.  You see, I know exactly the kind of pictures I wish I could take.

…and I can’t quite seem to be able to do it.  I am paralyzed by  fear of {photography} failure.

***

Almost a year ago, a friend of mine asked if I would take her daughter’s grad photos.  I don’t know what I was thinking that day, but perhaps the sheer length of time before the actual event made me give an affirmative answer.

Then the date started to approach.

Fear closed in.  Insecurities came into focus.  I started to go down the road of “what if they don’t turn out?”,  and “I don’t know how to get the light right”…

I finally made a decision.  I was going to throw in the towel and just say no.  They were, after all, friends and I knew they’d still love me if I explained that I had chosen to no longer take “people pictures”.

Then it hit me.  This was another “ladder by the scaffolding” moment.

My fear of failure was paralyzing me.

This time, I needed to talk myself off the ledge.  My “ah ha” moment came with this thought:

How in the thunder am I ever going to achieve the people pictures I wish I could take if I refuse to try to learn?

So, in the end,  I decided to take a big girl gulp and give it a whirl.

***

I gasped in delight when I saw this sweet darlin’ come out of my house in a cloud of yellow ruffles and chiffon.  Being the mom of three boys, I do declare my house hasn’t seen anything so ruffley and divine for a very long time…

The field above our house was covered in matching yellow buttercups…

She was all relaxed and willing to go to all kinds of crazy places…

 

And let me tell you…Covering her sweet little toes were the most darling, happiest shoes ever…

I’m so glad, in the end, that I didn’t chicken out from the experience.

Did all of my 168 shots turn out to be “keepers”?  Nope.  But, some of them did…AND…

It was a joy.  I need to push past the fear more often…

Can any of you identify with me? {Please tell me I’m not the only one…}  If so, what do you do to push past the fear and head toward confidence?

{Thanks, KG and your family, for letting me share in this special time in your life.}

Linking up to Funky Junk’s One Scary Thing Challenge