Photography Paralysis
{I woke up this morning to discover Cassity is featuring our Beach Cottage Bedroom at Remodelaholic. Thank you, Cassity.}
A few years ago, the siding on our {previous} house was being painted. The workers had set up various scaffolding structures to reach the high areas. When they left on their lunch break one day, I realized one scaffold was in the perfect spot to reach my never-been-cleaned-outside living room windows.
I knew ladders and I weren’t real good friends…mostly because of the resulting height that was reached with each step on the rung. I reasoned with myself that my fear of heights was completely silly and I just needed to “quickly get up there” and clean those windows! Out of sheer determination and teeth gritting, I made myself climb. By the time I reached the safety of the scaffold shelf, my legs felt like a bowl full of jelly.
But, I had made it! {Yippee for me!} I happily washed the windows, rejoicing in the new shiny view that resulted.
Then it was time to get down.
Uh-oh.
I. was. terrified.
I just couldn’t make myself swing my legs over to reach that first ladder rung.
My body was shaking. My kids and husband were laughing. (Don’t worry. So was I.) But, no matter what I told myself, I just couldn’t make the first move.
I was paralyzed by fear.
{If I remember correctly, after much laughing, squealing, and terror, my husband literally talked me down by convincing and physically dragging me over the balcony railing. Bless his little heart. And no, I never cleaned those windows again…Sorry, new owners!}
I recently realized my fear paralysis isn’t limited to just my fear of heights. It also spills over into the area of photography.
Let me explain.
I love photography. I study pictures, took a course, experiment with Blue Hour Photos, and almost daily take some sort of photos for this blog.
But, there’s one area that scares the willies out of me…
People pictures.
Yep. They do. You see, I know exactly the kind of pictures I wish I could take.
…and I can’t quite seem to be able to do it. I am paralyzed by fear of {photography} failure.
***
Almost a year ago, a friend of mine asked if I would take her daughter’s grad photos. I don’t know what I was thinking that day, but perhaps the sheer length of time before the actual event made me give an affirmative answer.
Then the date started to approach.
Fear closed in. Insecurities came into focus. I started to go down the road of “what if they don’t turn out?”, and “I don’t know how to get the light right”…
I finally made a decision. I was going to throw in the towel and just say no. They were, after all, friends and I knew they’d still love me if I explained that I had chosen to no longer take “people pictures”.
Then it hit me. This was another “ladder by the scaffolding” moment.
My fear of failure was paralyzing me.
This time, I needed to talk myself off the ledge. My “ah ha” moment came with this thought:
How in the thunder am I ever going to achieve the people pictures I wish I could take if I refuse to try to learn?
So, in the end, I decided to take a big girl gulp and give it a whirl.
***
I gasped in delight when I saw this sweet darlin’ come out of my house in a cloud of yellow ruffles and chiffon. Being the mom of three boys, I do declare my house hasn’t seen anything so ruffley and divine for a very long time…
The field above our house was covered in matching yellow buttercups…
She was all relaxed and willing to go to all kinds of crazy places…
And let me tell you…Covering her sweet little toes were the most darling, happiest shoes ever…
I’m so glad, in the end, that I didn’t chicken out from the experience.
Did all of my 168 shots turn out to be “keepers”? Nope. But, some of them did…AND…
It was a joy. I need to push past the fear more often…
Can any of you identify with me? {Please tell me I’m not the only one…} If so, what do you do to push past the fear and head toward confidence?
{Thanks, KG and your family, for letting me share in this special time in your life.}
Linking up to Funky Junk’s One Scary Thing Challenge
No Rita Joy, you are definitely NOT alone. HOwever I have not pushed past my fear… at least not in the past few years. In fact it is something we are currently dealing with, pushing past our fears, not worrying about tomorrow because God does provide. (sorry got off on a tangent… but just know that fear is real and alive and oh so destructive as it keeps us from being who God truly intended us to be… yep i’m preaching to the choir right now!) The last time it was learning how to make homemade bread and like you I just said phooey and did it. Do you know what? My family LOVED it (i wasn’t overly impressed) so I made more and it got even better. So much so that over time someone suggested I sell it (this was an area where virtually all made their own bread!). Where am I now? Well back to not making bread but it was by choice. And yes that is abut to change again… as there are bags of wheat berries just sitting in the freezer so its time to start up again.
And your photography… I can honestly say I have seen great strides since I started following your blog. Keep up the work!! You have a gift, now run with it! (and I love all the ruffles.. the only ones in our home come in a bag and are salty!)
Rita, these photos are lovely! It’s hard to go through life without some fears. We just have to decide if our desire for something is stronger than our fear of it. Here’s a great quote I found once on overcoming fear – “I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.” ~ Dawna Markova
Keep up the good work! You’re doing great!
Hi Rita,
Beautiful photographs!! I love your friend’s daughter’s yellow dress and pink shoes – so unexpected!
Love your blog! You go girl!!
Hugs,
Heather
Beautiful!!! Even more beautiful when you know the subject!!! Loved your bedroom makeover too. Maybe I will finally make it over this summer to see it in person. I keep doing little projects and want to share them with you but I need your e-mail.(since I don’t have a blog yet!!)haha
Oh. My. WORD. These photos are phenomenal! Your subject was gorgeous, but girl, you totally pulled this off!
The secret to a good picture? Take MANY and only keep the keepers. Pros know that too. The more you take, the better the chances are you’ll land the money shot.
So… what’s to be scared of when you have that kind of coverage? I sure hope you keep this up!
Donna
I will say this Miss Rita…those pictures are amazing…if that were my daughter I would be very happy with the “turned” out ones. Your blog is an inspiration to me. I too suffer from fibromyalgia, my case is severe. I am blessed with many great friends and some hobbies I’ve had to modify to continue but I also enjoy my morning with all my blogs checking in on everyone to see what they are up to as my pain medications kick in and the fog lifts.
Keep on being who you are and living life to the absolute fullest you never know when it might change. Keep on taking those beautiful pictures!
So awesome Rita, now you’ve done it there’s no turning back! It is so much easier to stay in our comfort zone, isn’t it. Good for you, and for inspiring us all to take a breath and just do it!!
Tracey
It’s a good thing you pushed past your fear of photograghing people…because that lovely young girl would not have those beautiful images to remember her special day! I so would love to take photos like that!
THANK YOU!!!! Yes this momma is very happy how they turned out, and so darn proud of her friend for taking the plunge and just doing it!!! This photo shoot is another incredible memory for us all at that special place you call home, with the friends we love!!! thanks also to our “blanket boy” too : )
KG will cherish this for always.
God Bless you as you continue to rely on Him and push past your fears.
WOW and FABOULOUS! Is all I can say about your photo’s of KG. I’m Maggie B’s cousin from AB and was touched to read your blog and moved to tears at your pics of KG. She and family have very special places in our hearts. Thank you for being such a great friend to them all and for your wonderful creative spirit that you have allowed God to bring out in you! The photo’s were breathtaking (you had such a great subject to shoot). Yes, I’m a little biased I must admit, but KG is such an angel – you captured so much of her beauty and charm. So glad I logged onto FB before I nodded off tonight. Look forward to meeting you sometime at Maggie B’s. Cheers & Blessings!
Hi Rita!! Good for you! You did a fabulous job!! It’s obvious that she was comfortable with you and you got it right. So proud of you. Photography is an art, not a science so it’s worth pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Umm… that’s what happened to me. I got pushed and took a great…. big…. leap….. and I think I’m still falling!! 🙂 I went from doing some engagement pics for some friends to doing their wedding. I would have never jumped on my own. Congratulations to your beautiful subject. I’m sure she’s totally thrilled with the memories you’ve given her.
So, I just Googled “photography paralysis” thinking to myself that someone(!) must also suffer from this affliction. I’ve taken classes, purchased books, made a mini book of my notes. I even take my camera to everywhere, to work, to family functions and I just let it sit there in its case. I think my fear comes from knowing how ‘good’ photos are supposed to look and that if my pics don’t look good then I suck at photography. I realize its crazy circle I’m in — if I don’t practice, I won’t get good —- but I can’t seem to shake it. I’m going to continue to try. Thanks for sharing your story.